6 Triggers for Change

 

Welcome to 2023!

It’s here and whether we like it or not, our thoughts are automatically going towards change. A fresh start. Another chance to start a new year with new vision and hopes for change. In this post I hope to help you develop a clear understanding about change. Like what triggers you personally to do something different, causing change in your life for the better.

Are you like me in that you have an ongoing something in your life you would like changed? It might be just a small thing, in our own opinion, but we still think our life could be improved if this one thing were changed. Recognizing we are not living our best life or not advancing in a certain area of our life is only a starting point. (In this post I’m not referring to recognizing how someone else needs to change. This is about us personally.)

Today, let’s critically think about this subject. The subject of change. (I’ll be saying this word a lot in hopes you get comfortable with hearing it.) Yes, I realize this word is almost a cuss word to people who hide from and ignore what they think it means for them. To most people, the word “change” means something negative and they may get very defensive if you even mention it. It might stir up feelings of fear or anxiety of the unknown. Change could mean facing something about us or our circumstances that we don’t want to face. It doesn’t have to be this way. We could look at change as a good thing, like a forward movement that takes us on a path to a better way of living. Maybe change could mean the end of something negative and the beginning of something that will be good. It could mean the end of one good thing and the beginning of another even better thing. How will we even know though unless we are at least willing to give ourselves an honest and thorough look at what causes us to personally change?

Have you ever asked yourself this, if I honestly want something to change in an area of my life, so why hasn’t it happened yet? I’m hoping that before you answer the easy-go-to answer of just saying “I don’t know” that you will first dig deeper. As I’ve been pondering on reasons why people decide to change, I am realizing that there will be one of at least six things that happen to us before something in our life changes.

Here’s what I’ve come up with and the examples to go along with them. Maybe reading these will even help you do some honest personal reflection in your own life in regard to LASTING change. Note: These are not in any specific order, and you might have some different ones to add.

1. Our own personal pain triggers us to change.
2. Seeing how we have brought pain to someone else triggers us to change.
3. Change that is triggered by a wrong motive.
4. We are triggered to change because someone else changed first.
5. Someone else is triggered to change our situation because we were not willing to do it.
6. We allow our heart to become willing, which triggers a LASTING change.

ONE:
We experience personal pain hard enough and long enough to make us hate it bad enough before we will make a change. The personal pain triggers us to change. This is a good reason to change because we should love ourselves and want our lives to improve. We should not want to live our lives in constant pain.

Can you think of anything you are doing or not doing that is causing you personal pain and anguish of some sort? Paying attention to what’s happening in your life and then taking action to do something different if needed is called a “purposeful movement,” which is opposite of a thoughtless movement. A thoughtless movement can bring any of us pain. It doesn’t have to be physical pain. Most pain we put up with comes from negative emotions and feelings such as failure, loss, guilt, shame, condemnation, fear, and anxiety. It’s no fun living with all that! If you’ve thought of an example in your own life in relation to this, write it down.

Don’t look at these feelings and emotions as the culprit here. They are
symptoms of some type of pain and should not be ignored. They are
screaming to us, trying to tell us that we have ignored something good
and have submitted to something that is harming us. They are telling us that it’s time to face this pain head on and walk through that tunnel of pain to the other side!

A purposeful movement through what I call “the tunnel of pain” is intentional and empowers us to take control of our emotions. These intentional movements will cause us to feel hopeful and excited about our actions. Emotions and feelings of love, joy, and peace are then able to manifest through us toward others. When we are alert and pro-active in the direction our life is going, we experience a sense of achievement which is very satisfying and motivates us to keep doing it. Changing to avoid personal pain is a good thing.

TWO:
We have seen how our life actions have hurt someone else so badly that their life is being robbed by us in some way. Seeing how we have hurt them triggers us to change. This is a good reason to change, and it shows that we love other people and care that they are experiencing pain because of us.

Can you think of anything you are doing or not doing that is affecting someone else in your life? Is what you are NOT dealing with or changing hurting someone to the point where their life is being robbed by your life, either physically, emotionally, financially, or mentally? Maybe someone has become worn down by the co-dependency relationship with you and now have become vulnerable to sickness, loss, suffering, or weakness of some kind. You make a decision to change because you don’t want to keep hurting them. If you can think of an example in your own life, write it down.

THREE:
We are doing something in secret and the results are beginning to show, and we feel we are close to being exposed. This scares us to the point of changing. Fear of being exposed can trigger us to change what we’re doing, but for the wrong motive. This reason to change is motivated by fear and not a true heart desire to change, which will undoubtedly allow the issue and harmful actions to arise again later.

Have you ever decided to change because you feared someone would find out about something you were doing or not doing? Always, from then on hoping it never comes out. If so, I commend you for at least making the change. That proves you do have some control over your actions. But now it’s time to deal with the reasons behind why you were in hiding and not taking the steps to change before it got to this critical point. Take some time and evaluate yourself and write it down on paper.

FOUR:
We wait for someone else to change first. Our decision is contingent on their decision. Then, after they take the first steps to change, we will do our part. But not until. We feel justified to wait, even if it is detrimental to our own situation. Sounds like stubborn, rebellion, and possibly blackmail, hmmm? This “if they do it, I’ll do it” attitude is not the best trigger for change in our life because we chose not take responsibility and action for our own change FIRST. Someone else changed first. When we do this, we are staying the same on purpose, longer than we want to, just so we can put blame for our UN-changing lives on someone else’s shoulders.

Example: In the past, I’ve done this with my spouse. There was a time when I was always waiting on him to change first and because of that, I was the one who suffered. I was trying to force change on him. It was on MY heart to change, but not on his. Many people wind up divorced because of stubbornly refusing to be the first one to change. I finally found out that I was only responsible for MY changed life though, not his. Thankfully, I did change my attitude and made the decision to take the first steps to change. After my husband saw my efforts going towards my own change, he decided to! That’s usually how it works.

Do you have your own example like this? Write it down.

FIVE:
We are being forced to change our situation, without a willing heart consent or agreement from us. Someone else has recognized that change needs to take place and we are not doing it, so they make that decision for us. They take the action, and they make the change that we were not willing to make. Someone else is triggered to change it for us. This change leaves us feeling like a puppet, a victim, or that we’re being controlled. It is not a good way for change to take place in our lives. This cannot be considered as real personal change. The only thing that has changed is our circumstances, not our heart.

Example #1: Your spouse has had enough. Divorce papers are in the works and the court will officially enforce a legal change on paper. This changes your situation for you.
Example #2: This can also be applied to being legally incarcerated. You are forced to stop doing something harmful, even though your heart still desires to do it.

The problem with both examples is that you didn’t choose to change your life on your own. If you personally can think of an example in your own life like this, write it down.

SIX:
We recognize an area in our life that is not in the life more abundantly column. Then immediately, without procrastination or laziness, we take the necessary effort and steps and get it changed. This is a willing heart change. We have become willing in our heart to change. This change of heart will cause us to make an adjustment in how we see our situation. It will cause us to think differently, thus act differently.

 

In the Bible, the first part of Proverbs 23:7 tells us, “for as he thinks in his heart,
so is he.” This means we live our life according to how we think.

A willing heart change will cause us to take steps on our own to turn a negative into a positive. This is the best way to make a change because we are the one in control and we are not being forced to change due to an influence outside of our heart. This type of change will leave us feeling satisfied and gratified. To be honest, this type of change has the best chance of sticking! It’s the BEST trigger for creating real lasting change!

If an example in your own life comes to mind, write it down.

There is a reason that I’m suggesting you evaluate and write things down right now. As you’re reading this and thinking about all this, right now seems like the best time. Go ahead and expose things in yourself and change by yourself. What a way to start the new year! The beginning of a new year is not the only time to do a life-evaluation, but since it is here, why wait?

Here are some thought provoking questions to ask yourself as you are doing your personal evaluation. Some of these are questions I have personally asked myself over the years every time I came to a place of feeling restless and dissatisfied because I notice I needed to change something. Go ahead and dive into your life and ask yourself some deep questions, for example:

1. Am I waiting on my spouse, co-worker, or someone else to be the first to change?
2. Have I ever known that time was up on a job or my time with a particular people group was up, and I fearfully refused to make the change?
3. Have I been ignoring my own personal pain, believing that I can take more, and keep going on the same destructive path, refusing to change?
4. Have I been ignoring that what I am doing (or not doing) is hurting people around me?
5. Do I stubbornly wait until I am forced to change my circumstances?
6. Have I ever pretended that I did not have light (understanding) about something just so I could keep doing it? Haven’t we all?

You can dig deeper, think deeper, and keep going by adding your own questions to this list.

Because I’ve learned that being vulnerable and sharing my life examples can help people in some way, I’ll share with you the results of one of my own self-evaluations. I have noticed that I personally will make an effort to change when one of these two things happen with me.

1) When I see how my actions are affecting someone else, I will tend to begin a change. I really really don’t like my fleshly actions harming people.
2) When I personally feel pain in an area strong enough and long enough to the point the thing is affecting my own life in a robbery kind of way. Robbing me from the promise Jesus gave me for life more abundantly.

In conclusion, my challenge to you today is to do some realistic evaluating. I’m not saying to see yourself or evaluate yourself through the eyes of others around you or comments that other people have said about you. Be vulnerable with yourself first. Honestly look through your own eyes and learn what triggers you to change. Look through this post again and notice if you can relate to any of the six things that usually happen which causes people to change. It’s okay if you have a different trigger, just recognizing what it is the point I’m trying to make. It’s a powerful thing when we can honestly do this for our own lives! Get to know yourself and don’t be controlled by the fear of change. Don’t be afraid of what you will find out. Finding out what usually triggers change to come in your life is a huge positive thing. It’s a great starting place for changing your thinking. This is where it all must start!

Here’s the Good News! If you find out what triggers you to change, you are now miles ahead of where you were when last year ended, just a few days ago. Happy New Year and may this be your year of lasting change for the better!

Always cheering for you!
Dana Marie